Potatoes, mashed
by mkaymkay
Summary: So, basically there is a huge lack of Springles fanfic I feel. Also, I like to shine a light on Connie. So, as the quotes goes, if you want something...make it yourself. So here's a collection of one shots of these cuties! I'll include other characters bc I love the freindship, but they will be the background characters for once in their lives hahahahaha
1. To be Worried

**Authors notes:** Uh, hi. So to clarify things, these one shots have no direct correlation with anything or themselves. I could explain myself with why I wrote each one in a long note before every shot, but you're here to just read something at least decent, aren't you? I hope I can be of service! So, forgive me for posting a whole bunch of shots at once on a Saturday night, but most of these have been written and finished for a while now, I just didn't have time to publish until now. Also, I know my format really lacks usually as well as my grammar. The stories obviously make sense to me, but if your confused don't be afraid to ask. Actually, feel free to critique me. - _-Marks indicate a scene break._ Kudos!

 **Warnings:** lengthy one. Swearing, vomit

 **Setting:** This can take place at anytime during the plot of the manga, but probably it would make more sense if it was a early on. Oh also, in this one, Sasha and Connie are not a thing(at least to themselves) :3

" _To be Worried"_

"We did it! Let's go eat a huge dinner to celebrate!" Sasha rambled on happily to nobody in particular, her brown eyes watching the smoke fade away from the beautiful open sky that hid above it. She threw her hands up in the air, grinning, then falling back and resting her back on the wall. The world was now upside down because of this, but she found fun in it, even though she was literally hanging off the edge of the huge walls that surrounded everyone's homelands. Around the Survey Corps: Who were now finally getting to rest on top of the great walls in safety(for now haha), burned the bodies of the titans along a silence that never thought to be heard by the warriors.

"I'm with you, Blouse, I want to be feed before we go on another suicide mission." Jean voiced.

Sasha laughed bitterly, getting up. "Hell yeah!"

Levi's disapproving eye caught on to the group of relieved, hugging or what not soldiers, and he spoke in his monotone: "I don't know what you brats are getting on about. This is our first clean victory, that doesn't mean we won or anything. We-"

"Of course not Levi!" Hanji yelled suddenly pulling an arm around his shoulder, eyes sparkling. "But we captured a big ugly one! It could be a revolution! When can we go back to do some tests? I-"

"Stop yelling in my ear, shitty glasses." Was the last thing said in that conversation Sasha paid mind to, for now she was walking away, approaching the boxes of food rations and things. She pulled of a lid of one, digging in to see if anything would taste like first place.

"I can't belive that went so well?" Commented the smart blonde boy out loud to his best friends on Sasha's side.

"That's probably because it was another one of your ideas." Eren replied.

"I... er-"

Sasha exploded upwards dramatically from the wooden crate, "There's not even any meat in here!" She rummaged more, continuing, "Or like, any fruit, vegetables, who the crap likes saltine crackers for dinner?!"

"Potato girl, if you're really that hungry, then why the hell be so picky?" Someone said.

Armin rested a hand on her shoulder. "Sasha, if you want a decent fueling meal, it's gonna have to wait. We just have emergency rations up here."

She pouted, looking past Armin at everyone else, who was taking this as a greatful time of needed rest. Some even laughed amongst themselves, unbelieving.

"Anyway, is it really true there are no casualties?" Eren asked.

"I think so." Was the response.

Even so, with the victory and everything, Sasha suddenly felt odd. She was now pretty sure it wasn't hunger that was her issue. Maybe the war had gotten to her really badly this time? She was blankly staring at the crowd, and didn't notice that her friends had started a conversation. She became uncomfortably aware of the smell of the deceased, and the dried, cracked, blood up her arms and the rat's nest that had become her hair, even in a ponytail. The world seemed to be static noise and movement, and she began to feel uneasy.

An outside voice: "Sasha, what the hell are you looking for?"

The blood in her veins turned to ice, and her heart stopped for a long millisecond, as she felt color drain from her face. She didn't even know who was talking to her.

But they did anyway: "Hey, uh, are you ok?"

Her fingers trembled, as she finally took in a breath of air. She was loud when her voice rose out of her dry throat, "Where. the fuck... is Connie?!"

The burnette spent the next couple moments speed walking around the crowds, but she checked everywhere twice and ending up now running to look over onto the outside of the wall, Her fingers clutched at the stone that was the only thing stopping her from falling. Sweat rolled down past her ears, as she looked amidst the fallen beasts frantically. She didn't know to be glad she came up empty or not. Involuntarily, her brain started to replay the scenes of the battle that took place where the vaporizing, human eating, monsters laid still. Her memories reached out for any image of Connie during that time frame, to their last conversation on the horses before the battle. She didn't recall what they had been talking about, but it was probably something stupid. She did find the moment though, where Connie had left her, flying away at demand of Captain Levi because was fast enough to catch up to the titans. Faster. Completely out of view and no longer assigned to the back lines with her, but the front.

"Captain!" Sasha called to the squad leader, sprinting up to him. Embarrassing enough, she had to catch her breath a second.

"I- I-"

"Spit it out."

"Where did...where did Connie end up sir?"

She was responded with silence. Her insides did a flip. "I uh, said- where's-"

"Turns out it was another dirty mission after all...People are looking, after all you made a fuss. No one saw anybody out there."

"But- but, you told him where to go!" She said, unaccepting his words.

He showed a bit of guilt in his otherwise blank face. "M.I.A."

Twisting insides return. "That's crap!" She argued.

A broad intimidating figure emerged. "We can't send out a huge search party now. These soldiers are exhausted, hurt, and who knows when we might have to act again. We are here to regroup and make another move as soon as possible. If a Corp fails to regroup, that's on them or more likely, the titans."

Sasha blinked slowly, mouth agape.

"Erwin, the kid can go look if she wants." Levi sneered.

"It's not like it's Eren or Historia, it would be a mistake. Why lose two when it could just be one?"

Levi scowled. "He went all the way to the forest, so he may just be napping in a tree."

Erwin grunted and he was then called over by Pixis, and he left without another word. Levi looked back into Sasha's face. It was crestfallen and pale, and coated in a slight sweat. "You better hurry." He mused.

Sasha was knocked out of her mind then, and stumbled a little on her feet. She nodded harshly, and silently approached the wall side once more. She looked out at the vast open field of green, and squinted to try and see the inside of the woods on the other side. Without much thought, pulled her legs over on top, subconsciously readying the gears of her 3-D maneuvering gear.

"Are you serious? There's no telling how many there are in the woods!"

Sasha blew her bangs out of her face, stopping her movements. "That's great, horse face."

"For the record, he was actually kicking titan ass. So maybe he ran out of gas, but he's small so maybe he could've also just gotten crushed by his own gear and dense shiny head."

Sasha snorted. "Blah blah."

As Sasha tried to speed up her horse, she strongly had to ignore the fact that she was in this by herself. The field that seemed so freedom bound, now made her feel like bugs were crawling on the inside of her skin. As the woodland came closer, and the sounds of human race disappeared from earshot, her chest pounded with ugly emotions. She had tunnel vision on the entrance of the first tree, and tried to focus on what she would have to do in order to get up on it. There were no loud heavy footsteps or mumbling, but her brain kept playing tricks on her every now and then. Finally, she began to be able to stop her hands from shaking as she now could see into the tall trees. She calmed her horse to a halt at where they finally crunched down on the leaves. She tied her horse around the body of a thinner tree, and she petted the horse's head as she hooked her gear up high on the opposite tree and then pulled herself up.

She grabbed on the last wide branch with all her strength, and eventually she rolled over on top of it. Panting, she rested her back against her high post, and for a moment she was completely lost while she watched birds play and sing. A twig snapped beneath her, and she jumped, and then she remembered why she was her, serious was definitely not her thing but maybe it ought to be. Such a thought depressed her and before she knew it, her vision became blurry with unshed tears, as it appeared she was all alone. Her heart ached for her missing friend, somebody else who was not to fond of being serious either. Why had she taken that for granted? He was the only one who truly joked around with her, or could carry some normal conversations or things outside of the end of the world. She felt guilty for not noticing earlier, too busy with the thought of stupid food. She did not even want to eat anytime soon or maybe never. He could be serious at the appropriate times, and she could tell there's no way he could of felt victorious killing titans after seeing his own mother was one. Was his and his mother's relationship good then? The more she was alone over time, the more she realized how little she knew about her good friend. He knew some about her he had meet her freaking father even, and that realization caused a warmth to appear on her cheeks as she scanned the area for the tenth time.

The girl shook her head side to side, regretting not dragging somebody along because now here she was with her crazy head. Actually, she found herself getting angry. She recalled what Erwin had said about her going out here. How once again, nobody came with her. Shit, no he's not some titan shifter, but how could they blow Connie off like this? Through all this mess, he played it through and through, and made her laugh while he was at it. He _was_ important as much as anybody else. Even more so, to _her._

"CONNIE!" She shouted, scaring away the birds and annoying insects.

She perked her ears up for any kind of response, crawling up the edge of her branch. The more she was forced to think about it, the more the thought of him really _gone_ seemed like an unimaginable nightmare.

Nobody would stop her so she called out once more. This time, there was a rattling in the branches of the tree diagonal to her. Shaking slightly, she got up and switched over to that tree, leaping. Her fingers feather touched the branch, and on account of many splinters, she slipped.

She gasped. "Shit!"

And of course her gear would be stuck in the cable. She reached out now, desperately for any branch at all as she fell. It took her lunch on a plunge in her stomach, and she had to scream because she was afraid. Finally afraid for once, and it would be this pathetic death that was now attracting lingering titans to top it off. But on the good end, she had never been so high up in all her life.

The ground was approaching her, and she tugged helplessly on her cables to no avail. A titan rested lazily on the tree, as if waiting for her to finally be able to consume.

"Unh- What the crap?!" As soon as she heard the unidentified scratchy voice, all of sudden she was no longer falling, and was pulled onto seating on another branch with a strong grip on her wrist.

Bewildered and panicked, she blindly faced the person and began to babble: "What the, what, who,-"

"Why are you back here?" They asked, the voice sounding more and more familiar.

She opened her eyes, sighing, and raised them into the confused glance of two golden apples.

Her nails dug into the bark subconsciously. "C-Connie?"

"What's-"

"Connie!" She said angrily, out of nowhere sending half assed fists onto his short body. "Why didn't you answer me you dork? Were you seriously napping? You think this is funny?"

He blocked her dangerous throws, but mostly just let her hit him, surprised.

"...Agh! What the hell are you beating me up for?" He grabbed her wrists, and easily made them slow down despite the hard clenching of her fists.

"Because!" She yelled in between hot breaths, struggling against his surprisingly stronger hands.

"Well, that's just great!" He remarked sarcastically.

Sasha cooled off then, using her last anger to rip her wrists out his grasp with a grunt.

She yelled in his face: "What the heck are you doing?"

"Huh. what the hell are _you_ doing?"

The brunette blew harshly out her nose, establishing eye contact once again. When she realized how close she was to him, and that he was still blocking himself protectively, she wanted to laugh so badly at herself.

"I was looking for you, stupid!"

"...Well, good job I guess?"

"Yeah so why did I have to do that?" She threatened.

"You really didn't have to?"

Her anger bubbled down completely, remembering her peers, taking in that what he said implied something that made her feel awful again, "Yeah I did.", Her voice was soft this time.

"That sucks."

"...No-"

"I don't want to get yelled at by the big douche's right now. And i'm not letting them give you shit too, so say, I uh, got knocked out."

Sasha finally paid enough attention to take in her friend's greyish skin tone, and the leaning he took against his branch just to sit up. She felt uneasy herself. But nonetheless, she saw no injuries. "...You did?"

He lightly slammed his head onto the wood, his dark eyelashes seeming to heavy for him, "Yeah, sure."

Sasha bit her lip before closing the distance between them, looking around his body for injuries that she didn't notice. She still didn't spot any. He was just dirty like her and being unusually tired.

The panic from earlier that day returned to Sasha. "What happened, Connie?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, a pretty shitty time to have a freakin episode."

"An episode?"

"Yeah. My dumbass fault. Shouldn't we like, go?"

Sasha wished she could read his mind. "Why didn't you come back the first time?"

"Rise and shine, I just woke up."

"Okay, but you don't look so good."

"Ha, Thanks captain potato."

"No! Agh! Really, are you like, sick?"

Connie widened his eyes, travelling them across the ground. "The fighting gets to me because why not." He shrugged.

She could sympathize with that. "...Me too. But, you..."

"Wiener-Schnitzel. Tell me you have a way to get back at least."

She smirked. "I never tasted that... Oh yeah! I have a horse down there. Let's put hussle in our muscles or whatever they say." ,she said beginning to climb down the base of the tree.

When she reached the middle, she looked up to see that her friend was still sitting in the same spot, looking down on her. Flustered, she called, "Dude, let's go! You made me hungry, and if there's no food left for us I will hit you again!"

"First of all, did you forget titans exist? Second of all, you might want to turn around."

Painstakingly, she looked over her shoulder and held still. Titans were lingering around mindlessly in the distance, and the one that had been watching her fall was walking towards the others that were wandering around to nowhere in particular as it seemed. So, if they kept quiet and made a run for it, they had a clean escape.

"I think we're okay for now!" She proclaimed.

For a brief moment, everything seemed to be muted. She looked up at Connie, who had turned away from her, supporting his lower body with his arms as the top half lurched slightly while it hung into the air. At first, Sasha was confused and annoyed, but then she remembered and caught on as soon as he lost the beginnings of his precious lunch. Basically on autopilot, she scrambled back up to him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Her hand moved down hesitantly to the feeling of his spine through the cloth of the shirt underneath the Survey Corps jacket. For the next couple of slow-mow heaves, she had begun rubbing circles on his back, wincing at the pain he would occasionally groan or grunt from.

When he finally stopped for longer than a minute, he sighed shakily and straightened up but didn't face her. "...I told you to turn around, Sasha."

She ignored his comment, pausing the circles she had been making, and put her palm back on his shoulder tightly. Her concerned tone was barely veiled, "What's going on?"

He ignored her too, and instead rubbed his temples and then his eyes, breathing shallowly.

"Connie."

The boy shook his head.

Sasha could feel her heart pounding in her ears. "Connie." She repeated, this time using her grip to turn him to look at her.

Wiping his mouth, he half answered: "It's dumb." He sounded so defeated.

Maybe her hold was way too strong or way too personal, because he instantly glanced at her fist anxiously. She dropped it to her side, and changed her sitting position. His gaze now traveled down like earlier. Sasha was patient for him to catch his breath or something and they sat silently for a few moments. She was hoping he would lean back against the tree base, but he hardly moved at all.

She voiced softly, at complete odds with herself: "We are going to have to do something so…"

He rolled his hands into fists clenched so hard his knuckles turned white, mind spacing out elsewhere. "Yeah...let's go now. Sorry."

Sasha tripped over her response: "Uh, what, no? uh?"

"Huh?"

It would be easy to imagine exclamation points and questions marks over the girl's head as she ending up spurting out something she didn't really care about at the moment: "Where's _your_ horse?"

"Oh yeah."

"Ok i'm going crazy! What the heck? I know i'm not clever, but all this makes no sense!"

"You're plenty smart. My horse is having a shitty day."

"What?! Why are you so vague at the worst times?! Did you hit your head?!"

She reached out a hand to said thing that might of been the very root of this mess if he did hit it or something, everything would then make sense. Before she could even check, Connie swatted her arm away, "I wish I did."

Sasha bit her lip, a little hurt that he was so touchy to her, but more so now wondering if having a shaved head felt fuzzy or rough to the touch. She decided to use a different approach. The brunette narrowed her eyes at the smaller boy, frowning. Connie quirked an eyebrow, making Sasha gaze turn colder.

After a tense second or two, he exasperated. "Ok! The freaking horse is on a lower branch! Geez!"

Sasha's harsh expression dropped into confusion again, her mind trying to connect any dots to very slow avail. She decided to just look, she squinted through the leaves towards the ground onto every branch, and through a thick canopy, she saw a swift movement of a tail flick up followed by a snort.

"What the fuck."

"It's scared of heights. Won't run away or get eaten."

"...how?"

"I don't know much about horses. Ask Jean or something."

"Haha... agh, no I mean, I didn't know horses could climb or jump that high?"

"What? They're almost as dumb as me. You just have to throw them."

"What?!"

"What now?"

" _You picked up_ a _horse_?"

"You make it sound like a bad thing."

"Is that your problem? Did you break your legs or something?!"

"How would I get up here without legs?"

Sasha was getting past frustrated now. "For fucks sake!"

Connie began to sweat nervously. "You're making me wanna go to church."

"Look! I know being serious or whatever isn't our thing, but you've been freaking me out all day so just try with me!"

His eye's widened and Sasha felt a heat erupt on her cheeks and pounded her hands onto the bark in a little fit.

"You're right. I'm going to be in so much trouble when we get back, but let's go now so you don't."

Sasha brushed her bangs out of her face. "No." She said determinedly. "Not until you tell me what happened."

"I-I told you."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes I did!"

"Well say it again, but this time, actually explain you dork!"

Connie groaned loudly, irritated and stressed. "I just freaked out, okay?!"

Sasha was by no means satisfied. "That doesn't make you sick as a dog!"

He visibly took offence, his mouth closing before he could even retort, but now holding a scowl, as he now only paid attention to fallings leaves and clouds rolling by. Sasha banged her head against the tree softly and also looked to the sky above her. In a hour, the sun would begin setting, which meant they had to book soon. But she wasn't getting anywhere at all. She thought finding him would be the hard part. She replayed their conversation a couple times, and when she actually stopped to think like this, she marked on the actual key things. She's never had a personal talk with Connie, and obviously he wasn't open to it. But it must of had something to do with that issue based off the evidence. She supposed if you "freaked out" enough, it could make you sick. But that would have to be a really ugly breakdown, she grimaced at the thought. So, now they both were being stubborn idiots, and it appeared Connie would only leave if she made a move or maybe not even then, if he was still hiding an illness or something. She never mastered social skills because of her childhood. So, too bad for both of them, her new goal was to learn something about her supposed best friend and make him back to himself.

She took a breath, her tone steady and gentle in return. "I came to help you, dude."

He glanced up at her enough for the shadows to cross his face and quietly replied, "and I told you that sucks. Who told you to? They should've gave you support! Bunch a' bull crap."

"Nobody told me to. I was given permission, but that's it."

Suspicion and confusion struck his features and he sat on her remark a second, unbelieving for the most part, to the dismay of Sasha's guilty pulled heart strings. Sasha was wishing her lucky stars he wouldn't ask something like "why?" as she tapped her foot uneasily.

"...Well since you went through so much trouble...I guess you deserve...yeah."

Her curiosity and interest showed with the raise of her eyebrows, "Hm?"

He acted like Mikasa or Annie, monotone and emotionless as he threw his issue in the air: "It's just, well, everybody's has shit to deal with, but I don't handle it so well obviously. I was just thinking while I was slicing a nape, that um, what if that was a human trapped inside there? And then I started wondering what Hanji planned to do with my, you know. So I dunno. I mean, if titans are people, have we been in the wrong the whole time?"

"That hasn't really been proven yet, Connie. But, our hearts as soldiers are still in the right place, trying to save people, even if we are unknowingly...I don't know either. What I do know is that they try to kill us, so, we gotta...rebel. Yeah?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

The tension of his body language told Sasha that wasn't his whole dilemma, but she was glad she got a little somewhere. She made an educated guess it must've been about his mom, and hell, her dad was completely fine, and she would still not easily talk about him.

"Maybe all we gotta do is slice her out of that thing?"

"In this complicated world? Huh."

"Well I mean she's alive at least. Right?" She cursed herself at her rudeness.

"She'd probably rather be dead, though. She...couldn't even use that body."

Sasha didn't want to say anything cliche or make him feel worse, so she said nothing at all. Connie took that as an opening to stand up, and Sasha blindly accepted this half success and rose as well. The boy then startled her, by punching the tree base with unshed tears on his eyelashes. Pieces of wood flew out, and the birds away. She sensed it finally coming, though.

"It's so stupid, Sasha! Here I am standing in one piece for years in all my cowardice, while my whole village got turned into the shit heads I should've protected them from! But, no, and now we have been probably killing them off this whole time! I should of stayed and not been a selfish piece of crap like always! I was planning to die long before my relatives, but they got things even worse than plain old death! It's unfair, weird, and not to mention confusing and it's my-my fault."

"...oh." She kinda wanted to fall to her death a second time after that's all she got out.

Connie shook his head side to side, and jumped down to the branch below. He dissolved the tense silence by adding, "Like you said, no use sitting here, lets just go already."

They proceeded to do the motions of climbing down. Sasha knew her ODM gear was broken, but either Connie's was too, or he didn't feel like bothering. He pushed the horse off the branch, and he was telling it to, "Ok, look, don't you break your legs. Be like a cat, land on your freaking feet. If you brake your neck, I'll throw up on you." The horse made noises from the back of it's throat, stubborn to move from its stone standing on the huge branch. "Don't make me hurt you on accident." He continued to mumble. "You're not up that high. Don't make it bad." Sasha was tending to her own horse awkwardly, untying it from the stump. She patted it's head. "This world has issues." She whispered to it.

Connie's voice interrupted her. "Are we still good?"

"Huh?"

"Uh, Titans?"

"Oh, um nope. They moved on."

He jumped down behind her, crunching lightly on the leaves, only to get back on another branch. He expressed unamusement to the horse now above and across him. In a moment, there was a slight thump and the horse groaned, annoyed, it's hoofs now clicking onto the safety of the ground. It snorted, and Connie told it to stop being dramatic. If Sasha was in a better mood, she would of laughed her ass off at the whole scene, what with this bald boy kicking a horse out of a tree with no accidents. They simintamiusly got on top of their horses, and before Sasha realized, they were back out in the middle of the field, and she saw the colors of the sky begin to change. Connie was slightly behind her, on watch for danger. That was the biggest way in which they had been lucky, no titan issues.

They did not make the horses run, they kept at a pace that was ingrained in them from missions they did back in training with the horses involved. The great wall stood in all it's glory ahead of them, and squinting she sighed as she saw only a few on the top now, probably looking down on them, angry. But other things were bothering her, so as usual, she didn't really care about getting punished or whatever.

"Hey, Connie."

He didn't answer and she worried he might of been mad at her, or regretful of his tiny burst. She looked back, over her shoulder, and now she was sure he hadn't even heard her. He was staring a hole into the horse's back, ashamed and yet in space. Sasha's chest ached, and she really needed to say something about something he said, or what if they never talked again? They always talked about nothing when they could, and here was an open opportunity, and, no. Who could blame him? "Ymir was right." She thought "I'm a fake socially. Damn."

She slowed her horse by pulling on it's rope slightly. "Connie."

His horse meet up with hers, and all she had to to get it to stall, was steady it with her hand. She grabbed the rider's shoulder gently. "Connie."

He raised his head, looking at her very tiredly. "What?"

"How the heck is it your fault? How were you suppose to know?"

His eyebrows burrowed. "What are you talking-..."

"It's not your fault at all." ,She continued sincerely.

He looked up above, and let out a sigh. "Just cause i'm not the one who did it, dosen't mean i'm innocent for not helping."

"I said how were you suppose to know?"

"Well for starters, titans attack anybody, so."

"There was no way you could of gone back. And, they weren't attacked by titans.''

"I'd call the guy who created 10 meter monsters a fellow dickless titan."

"Hmm, true. But don't blame yourself anyway. It's not fair to."

"Our job is to protect the people, Sasha and I-"

"You did, just somewhere else. And is that really our job? Because I am still confused on the actual goal we want to achieve."

"I know! What is killing a couple titans gonna help at all? It just gives them more reason to attack us. Like we could kill an entire specie like this. If they have human minds along with those powerhouse bodies, what sense would that make? They are higher up than us in like, every way. If they're getting smarter and bigger, then I get the people staying in the walls, slower time it would take them to kick the wall again, then dying out here without training or something. They're just hoping on a long time, and we are hoping for some miracle."

"Geez... I never thought about it that way. ….Why did you join this side then?"

"To hopefully give them some more time like they're looking for. If we keep the titans back, that will do that. But, someone is always gonna have to do that if nothing changes. That's just what I hate. It's a lame story, but I am the lame master." He finally smiled when he said that.

"That...that makes more sense then whatever the commanders preach all the time."


	2. Popping the Q

**Oh!** **Btw, the p.o.v is usually Sasha unless otherwise stated.** I really feel like no one will be able to understand my shit:/

 **Warnings:** none !

 **Setting:** Late in the manga, but before the time skip. Chapter 80's, then? Yes sure

Popping the Question

 _(Eren's POV:)_

Squad Levi sat amongst themselves around a large wooden table in the temporary safety of their newest shelter. They were sharing among the most decent meal they had gotten in months, and chatter was relatively quiet, all having matured past their young years to the visions of gore and all that. The air was cooler when evening came like this, and the building creaked from it due to it's age of who knows how old. They were out of sight from the walls, and they could only see the cities on the reaching horizon. Eren Jaeger sat between his best friends, picking at his meat, bored and angry about the lack of action to the ever growing, ever confusing issues. Without thought, his hand reached for the unfamiliar warmth that covered his head. He was surprised at the length of his dark hair, it reaching down his neck now, and he marvelled how he didn't really even notice. So much time has passed since the years of training evidently, and even more had happened. He looked around at his ally's, seeing how too, their hair and even faces had changed. Even Sasha had cut her hair a while ago, he noted looking at her devour a piece of bread to her neighbor's amusement, Connie. Wait a minute.

"Hey, Connie, kinda a serious question." Eren said calmly with confusion.

The boy turned his head that was resting on his fist, "What?"

"We've be at this shit for years and like, I'm seriously wondering when the hell you have time or how you even shave your head."

Apparently, other people had wondered too, as most everyone tuned into the conversation.

Connie scowled lightly, looking at Eren's own _long_ hair. "If you want a trim, you're gonna have to get me a knife."

"Wha-What?!"

"What? Do you want me to use the blades on the maneuver gear instead?"

Jean on the other side of table, exploded comically. "Hey! You didn't give me that choice asshole!"

Connie smirked, "That's cause you're so picky."

"You even made me ask in the middle of a mission if we could get a bathroom break, and you didn't even have to go!

Sasha laughed on his side as he replied with a evil grin, "Yeah, well you did."

Jean growled audibly. "Shut up!"

He chuckled, and Sasha doubled over laughing harder, grabbing his shoulder.

The brunette girl rose after a second and added, "Uh huh. Yet my hair still turned out better, horse face."

They continued to argue passively, and Eren turned to Armin's ear and whispered. "What the hell is going on?"

Armin's expression remained neutral as he shrugged his shoulders, but he began to play with his own long blonde locks a little bit.

Mikasa sighed to herself, reminding Eren to eat all the while. Mouth full of potato, Eren voiced his confusion: "Connie what the crap."

"Do you want a haircut or not?"

"I don't know! I didn't know that was a thing!"

"You think a horse's undercut is natural like that?" He remarked gesturing to the still pissy Jean. "Oh, please don't ask for the same. Jean copied Levi and then it would just be bad, because apparently Captain copied someone too."

"You cut Levi's hair?!", Eren exasperated.

"I know, lame side job. Someone has to do it, it's mostly because you need short hair for our lovely tasks. And they saw I could do my own so they were like, hey, that kid can do it without cutting somebody's head off. It's ironic because I did the same crap back home, but whatever. People do me favors, though."

Armin chimed in, "Yeah but like Eren said, when do you have time for any of that?"

"It takes like, a minute." Was the annoyed response.

Mikasa's tired, unconvinced voice rang in next: "How do you shave your head with a knife?"

The boy in question gave a little snort, "Huh? You don't."

"Then how-"

"I just make sure it's even."

"Ok…. but like…"

"Hey, weren't your parents blonde, Connie?" Armin questioned.

He lost his cheeriness at the mention of his folks. "Uh huh, yeah."

"Connie, you dense idiot, the fact that you have grey hair in a buzzcut 24/7 makes us question our existence." Jean finally stated plainly.

The boy's eyes widened and he blinked slowly. "Wouldn't the pony like to know."

"Yeah now that we _all_ wanna know."

"What's it matter?" He defended.

"Why can't you just answer? Did your head get burned? Because not only would that explain the appearance, but your stupidity as well. Brain Damage."

He looked conflicted as he asked, "Wouldn't that kill me?"

"OK DESPITE THAT GEEZ" Eren yelled, growing impatient.

"I'm getting a headache. Can we go to bed now?" Sasha said, angry for whatever reason.

"If you wanna miss the answer, potato girl."

Said girl stood up at her seat, holding tightly to her empty plate, biting her lip. "Let's just drop it, ok?"

Eren asked it first: "Why?"

"Eren at this rate, I don't think you'll get a trim." She said coldly.

"I said I don't know if I want one! Armin? Mikasa?"

Mikasa sipped her water slowly, "Up to you."

"Yeah" Armin agreed. "Should-should I- I get one?"

Connie took in the hair-do of Amrin. "That would be a thing."

Armin grabbed both sides of his head, thinking deeply now.

"What are we even doing tomorrow morning?" , Sasha continued.

"Not sure, but i'm gonna cherish and take all the do nothing time I can." Jean answered, kicking back.

Agreement mumbled along the table.

Armin got out of his little daydream, "Didn't you hear? We're not set out until the afternoon, yes, but…."

Soon, the conversation went to the topic of the plans, ending in most people saying goodnight,to go hit the hay for the night at last with the sweet welcome of their available full night sleep, in, like, a year.

 _(Sasha POV:)_

Sasha was one of the last ones to turn in, and she walked the hallway down to her the girl's lofts, she was stuck in her head, so when someone grabbed her arm even just lightly, her heart jumped.

It was a quiet tone, almost a whisper. She turned her head to her bald friend that was walking the opposite way to his loft. "Thanks, by the way."

She nodded, and felt her chest become light yet burn. "As payback, could you tell me the answer?"

She braced herself, but to her surprise he smiled. "Not now."

Her eye's sparkled in curiosity at the sense of mystery as she easily returned the smile. Without much thought, she added: "For the record, I like how you look."

A tint of pink rose onto his cheeks. "Ah... you would always look good no matter your hair too. But, don't pity me so much, I know it's not-"

"Why would I lie?!" She exclaimed suddenly.

"Because you're nice like that?"

She frowned. "That's not truly nice. You better make up for it."

"Oh boy." He replied sarcastically.

"Lemme touch it."

"Huh?"

"The potato head."

"Uh, no."

"Awh. Ok."

"...thanks. Agian."

She nodded feverishly, marveling at everything that just recently came out of her mouth. "...not now?"

"Yeah." He scratched the back of his neck. "Well, good night."

"See ya."

And with that, they went their separate ways, with a secret excitement for the future held in the pit of Sasha's wonderfully full stomach.


	3. Dad issues

**Warnings** : spoilers? Swearing, as usualllllllllllllll.

 **Setting** : Anytime after season two...so like chapter 51? yes sure

Daddy Issues: Extreme 

Sasha stilled her arm she had been swaying, when again for a brief moment she had forgotten about the world, with the same hand wrapped around Connie's fingers. When he ran his thumb across her knuckles, she wished they didn't even have to talk about such terrible things. He deserved to know, though, and she was stupid for not saying the truth earlier. But for the record, they never had a moment alone like this. Sasha grieved that this might be the first and only time. It was actually quite early in the morning, and the long grass they were walking through still was wet with dew. The sun was pale in the light pink sky, and everything was always so, so, still this early. No birds or animals even made much noise. Sasha imagined that this is what they mean in books when they said "the quiet before the storm." She had planned this, and so far all had gone accordingly, but she was still worried it wouldn't go in the way it did when she rehearsed it in her head all night. At this point, no doubt was he wondering what they were actually doing, not sleeping in and wondering around instead. So she had to act now.

"I've got a crappy, hard, conversation to start." She whispered.

Connie grimaced and let go of her hand. Which was okay, she was probably gonna start to sweat nervously anyway. He actually had a personal space preference, and he'd only really take in affection if he was in the right mood. She knew better than to take it personally. Connie just had some issues, but she did too. He knew how to handle them, though. The only thing she had to worry about in their friendship was herself ruining it. She had to be careful in her actions, and especially, her words. She didn't need reassurance up till now because of what she had to admit, he has always had her back. If somebody's touchy, Sasha figured you might as well respect it, an uncomfortable relationship wasn't good. That's what her and her father's was like. Speaking off…

Deciding that a minute or so passed for him to prepare himself she asked, "Are you ready?"

"...Is it about this apocalypse?"

"Kinda? It's more about the past."

She realized that was a sensitive subject that she hardly knew anything about. "Not about your's. About mine."

"Oh! Well, geez! I'm all ears."

"Well...uhm, it does have to with you."

"What did I do?"

"Nothing. I did it."

"Pssh, what bad thing have you ever done to me?"

Sasha swallowed the lump in her throat. "Nothing...intentionally..."

"Well, of course. Don't freak yourself out. I don't recall you doing anything to me."

She sighed at his kindness. "That's why I have to tell you." She started to stutter as she continued, "Do- do you- still have that photo of your parents?"

"...Yeah."

"Is it with you? I'm pretty sure, but maybe I should double check."

"...should it be?"

"No", she reassured, "that's probably not too safe anyway."

"I don't have it right now...Why?"

By now, they were sitting on the ground. Connie's head probably couldn't be seen over the grass to the outsiders, but she decided to kneel over a little herself. Suddenly, the boy put a hand on her shoulder, looking concerned. Reading people has become a useful talent of is amongst all their enemies and mostly, friends. "Sash, if it bothers you too much you don't have to-."

"I do, though." She interrupted, gently placing his hand off her. "It's your right. And I know you're gonna get mad is all, but you have every right for that too. If you let me explain…"

"Why would I get mad at you? Look, how about I just save all my shit until you're done."

"Yes! I'll tell you when I am…"

"Okey dokey."

Sasha let out a little giggle. She grabbed at her thoughts, thinking of the best way to sound without lying. The silence was pleasant, and not awkward. Why can't every morning at least be like this second?

"So, okay. You know the day we… it was a while ago… but we weren't even in uniform, but we had to evacuate nearby villages?"

"How could I forget that?"

Shittttt. She quickly added, "Well I went to my old village. Everybody had actually already left safely. Well those... that could I mean. Including my father. But I didn't know that at first, so I went into the houses. There was a little girl, too scared to move, as her mom was- being eaten by a titan- so I could only take the girl. Yeah, well the titan followed us. I literally only grabbed the horse and my old bow and like three arrows, and we tried to run it out. But titans have such long legs...so no. I was just on like survival mode, so I told the girl to go ahead while I distracted the titan. Ha, but literally seconds later the girl had been picked up by the other survivors of my village, with my dad and all. But, uh, yeah. The titan. I obviously didn't have any gear or equipment. So I used my arrows to blind it, so then I could get away too. I don't know what really happened to it."

Sasha stalled in her rambling, checking in on Connie's expression. He was just stunned and a little confused. "Wow...I'm glad you got out of there. Skillz."

Now Sasha was utterly lost in her head. "Wha- But, the titan! Is that all?"

"Who cares about the titan?"

Her heart dropped. "I didn't say that yet?!"

"Huh?"

"Okay. Okay. Okay."

He was getting anxious for her again. "That's horrible so..we can talk about this later…"

"No! It's already been a long time!"

"If you say so."

"The titan...it looked...I think..like...after hearing all this batshit crazy stuff...it...he…"

"Sasha, it's okay."

"-HE WAS YOUR DAD! I SHOOT HIM IN THE EYES AND STUFF. I ONLY ESCAPED BECAUSE HIS BLOOD WAS SLIPPERY, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM AFTER THAT. I DIDN'T EVEN LOOK BACK."

She didn't dare open her squeezed shut eyes, even if she'd only open them to the dirt. The whole world seemed to stop spinning, the only thing that existed seemed to be her. She breathed through her nose only, even though it hurt. That was no way in hell how she had rehearsed it. She just fucking screamed in his face, everything all at once. No way was she surprised he was silent and off. She ended up blinking her eyes fiercely open anyway. Her vision was blurred by unshed tears, threatening the life of the small ants below her.

"Im...I'm so sorry, Connie. I understand if you don't want to be…" She trailed off.

"Why…" He started.

At first, her foolish self had even thought he had came in to strangle her. His hold of her was instead soft and underseravbly warm. She was too damn lucky. Connie sighed into her shoulder, loosening his arms around her.

His voice was sincere: "How's that your fault?"

She let a couple tears roll down her face. "It is!"

He let her go, and she still didn't look at him.

"You didn't know, and, your were just trying to get out alive."

"Selfishly!"

She watched him roll his hands into fists. "That's me. That all is on me, not you."

That made her jerk her head up, right into his ashamed face of also unshed tears. Panic filled her lungs. "What, no?! I told you not to even think of it that way!"

"It's the truth, though."

"Nuh-uh!"

"I'm sorry you had...to deal with that. All of this."

"Connie! Quit! You're wrong!"

He shook his head as he put it in his hands.

What could she do?! "We're- we're."

She took a deep breath. She slide her fingers lightly onto his jawline, lifting his face to hers a little. "We're both wrong. It's neither of our faults. Okay?"

Sasha always tried to recall seeing anyone in her life with literal yellow eyes to look in. Nope. He seemed ordinary to most, but he was unique, unlike her. She needed to get the distress she had placed off his features. Time was so slow, yet incredibly fast at the same time no matter where she seemed to go. She mostly hovered over the surprisingly smooth skin on his chin, putting her hands back to themselves gracefully.

"Okay?" She repeated tentatively.

Oddly enough, he snickered. "Heh. You were accurate."

"What?"

"You said it would be a shitty conversation."

"Ha, Yeah….Hey! Answer me!"

He always looked so damn tired and done. "You think the others are up now?"

"It doesn't matter-"

"Shit. I think I have pick up duty."

"You don't have to do that until after everyone's done eating. Didn't you do that last time though? So, does that I mean I get to cook?! Where do you even find that lame information?"

Just as he was about to answer, she realized the little trick he had played. He was very good at social escape, and she wondered if unlike her, he got away with a lot of lies or secrets because of it. "BUT Answer my very first question first." She proclaimed.

His smile dropped into an annoyed frown, as he was cut off before he could even try.

"Fine." He deadpanned.

That was not a good word. "Fine? Fine what?"

"You know what."

"Not exactly."

"Yes you do."

"Ok, so you're saying fine to answering the question, then?"

"Ugh, Sash…"

"Just say it. It'll make you believe it."

He was getting pissy now. "What's it matter?"

"If it doesn't matter, then why are you making it a big deal?" She replied with an evil grin.

"I don't believe it. It wasn't an accident. Somebody did it."

"I didn't say it was nobody's fault. I said it wasn't ours."

"I hope to God we catch them."

"Amen." She agreed sarcastically.

"Okay. it wasn't your fault."

She sang teasingly: "I accept that of myself. And?"

"It's, agh, not- mine either."

"Yay!"


	4. Salt Watttter

**Warnings:** Swearing, possible spoilers, how do I say this other thing without spoiling my story? Awkwardness. Like. yes

 **Setting:** RightAfter the gang ends up at the ocean(oh shit there's the spoiler)

Salt Water

 _Armin's P.O.V:_

He was sure he was going absolutely nuts once again. Right in front of him and his best friends, finally stood the deep blue ocean after all this time. The thing he and Eren had dreamed about so dearly, the thing others said was just fantasy, the thing his parents and grandparents lost their lives for. It was more beautiful then he could've even imagined. It was endless, bigger then any District, any forest or open field, and _plenty_ larger than even the Colossal Titan itself. It was like looking at the vast and curious stars in the sky. He should of been having a field day with this. The water smelt salty, just as the books promised was true to him as a child. There was so much to explore. He couldn't swim, never had to, but if he was still young at heart, he would've built a boat so fast. He looked over to Eren's face coated by the setting sun, and his lack of enthusiasm hurt. To be in a world where your dreams come true, but when you're there, to not care, to be completely numb, it hit hard in the disappointment factory. He wanted to cry. Had the world really taken away their hearts so much? Mikasa's hair blew in the shallow wind, her expression being the only one somewhat surprised and astonished. He knew she had thought he was silly dreaming something up like this, but at least he didn't look so stupid anymore.

Suddenly, the water made a splash a few feet to his side. Sasha pushed Jean playfully in the water, smiling, while Connie laughed, trying to pull him under as well. Jean ended up throwing Connie into the water, and he looked like he regretted that, unknowing if it was even safe. Sasha punched Jean in the arm, yelling panickly. Only a second passed, and the other's boy bald head popped up out of the water, farther away. "You damn horse!"

Armin sighed in relief. Sasha pushed Jean harder this time, and he fell now too. "Take that, jerk!" She cheered.

 _How the hell do they do that?_ Was all Armin's empty head could come up with. _How can they still… even have fun?"_

Eren's hand grabbed the blonde's shoulder. "Looks like you were right as always."

"What- what do you think?" He asked in response.

"...I think, I'm tired."

Armin didn't move. Eren's footsteps in the sand got too distant after a minute, and Mikasa only looked back to Armin before she followed the brunette with ever growing hair.

Maybe it was finally curiosity, but Armin found himself walking up to the shore line in front of the trio. He found a rather large shell, broken yet solid and smooth. He scribbled in the sand with it, but then switched just to his fingers. The sand was like very soft dirt almost. It was cool from the water that rose up like breathing lungs to erase those doodles.

"Quit it! I'll throw you all the way out there this time!"

"No! I think it gets deeper!" Sasha voiced.

"Well, good!"

"Pfft, He's just mad he got his precious hair wet."

"And you're just mad because you don't know what color your little hair is!"

"Dang, Sasha why are horses so obsessed with their manes?"

"I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A HORSE, for fucks sake!"

"You do, Jean, I'm sorry." Sasha said in between giggles.

"Says potato girl!"

"Shut up! That was just one time!"

"No, it was a couple times and then with the meat..."

"You shut up too, Connie! Your head is a potato!"

"Ah, that's why you like him."

"What?!"

Armin watched Sasha push Jean once again into the sea. Luckily, they seemed to be in a sandbar. Jean came up, gasping for air, and Connie held his sides while he laughed, with Sasha grinning innocently. Jean was pissed, but their chatter died out to to where Armin couldn't hear because of the distance. He watched Connie continue to laugh and joke, and Armin grew more and more conflicted. Maybe he was envious? He wished he was able to even cope half the time.

As the first stars came out, most everyone were now walking back to the shelter. The group that had been background noise in Armin's thoughts walked out of the ocean as well. Sasha and Connie passed him by, while Jean looked down on the sitting blonde. He put a hand on Armin's head like a pat to a dog. "You alright there? Where's titan boy and badass girl?"

"They-they turned in for the night."

"Me too now. Wet clothes are fucking sticky and I am wanting to change. Did you eat?"

"No…"

"Well, you should go do that."

He didn't really feel like eating, but he should go back or he never would.

Armin dragged behind Jean, and when the taller boy entered the building, Armin once again stayed put. Few other soldiers drank and ate outside around him, but he still felt lost.

"Yeah, and how many titans have you taken down? One?"

"Uh, yeah, because they could be fucking people!"

Armin tuned into the argument. The older soldier couldn't think of a response to Connie's statement. He just grimaced and then said, "But we have to."

"I know it's weird, but i'm still standing, so maybe we _don't_."

"You're just very lucky."

"Aren't we all."

"Yeah, but especially you."

"What do you know?"

"More than _you_ , kid. And that ain't much." Was his final claim before he left the short boy to himself, displaying a rare occurrence of a scowl.

Armin marveled over his points. He had honestly forgotten how his own village was all titans now, because well, he never swore revenge more than once, or ever voiced concern about it for more than a day. He obviously didn't forget though, how could anyone? Armin made the conclusion that out of everybody, all though they were no way squeaky sparkly shiny, Connie probably had the cleanest hands. Armin wished that was himself, so badly. But it clearly wasn't. He looked back to the sea, the sun half swallowed by its horizon. Armin decided to try to make conversation with his fellow Survey Corp, _see what a normal person thought._

He was just feeding his horse. Armin realized he couldn't even think of a time they talked. Thankfully, his first question came out okay. "Connie, what do _you_ think about the ocean?"

He stared back, unamused. "What do _I_ think? I think you need rest."

"No- seriously. You... went in. What was it like?"

He shrugged. "It's just a crap ton of water. I wouldn't drink it straight up, though."

"Why do you say that?"

"Uh...fish piss."

"There were fish? What kind?"

"Dude, if nothing was alive in there, I wouldn't of gotten in the first place."

"How'd you guys know how to swim?"

"You act like we didn't have any lakes or rivers?"

"The cities didn't have any. I guess just the rural villages and towns did."

"I'm tempted to take a plank of useless wood and just ride the water back there."

"What do you mean?"

"What do _you_ mean? This is where all that water back there probably came from, right?"

"I- I suppose that could be a possibility."

"We aren't gonna find out what's on the other side or anything, will we."

At this point, Armin _was_ envious. Connie could still want to be curious and explore, and he should of been like that for sure too. The topic died out as Armin didn't respond, and the other began to confusedly walk away, after awkwardly tieing up the horse into the makeshift stable..

"Connie. What you were saying earlier… so you're completely against killing titans?"

"Huh? Yeah. I guess. I'll do it if it's the only way."

"And that only happened for you once…."

"Um...yeah."

"Can you explain?"

"Armin I think you need to eat or something. I am not qualified to take your job."

"What would be the 'other way'?"

"...We do it all the time. Run. Ignore. Hide. Wait. Sleep or maybe eat. Repeat."

"Wait, what was the second one?"

"I said ignore, I think. So?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"You know, just when the enemies let each other be."

"Could you give an example?"

"Uh, right now."

Armin widened his eyes. "I never...thought of it that way."

"Even assholes have to catch their breath, apparently."

"We are such opposites.." Armin mumbled to himself.

"What?"

The blonde looked up into the other boy's face, his mind being rapid and like a zombie at the same time. He had definitely gone crazy after all the shit that happened. He hadn't realized how deep the changes truly were. But had everyone really changed? All of a sudden, with the gentle breeze, his anxiety seemed to leave. Much to Connie's perplexed expression, Armin quickly closed the distance between them. Armin closed his eyes with a quick breath and had to bend slightly over along with his head, to the point where he could feel the other's breathing on his face instead. Armin had never kissed anyone.

And he probably never would. A palm whacked him in the cheek with enough force to cause his already jelly legs to make him land on his ass. Armin looked up from the ground into the new face of an upset Sasha Blouse, with her hand still out offensively.

Thankfully, he couldn't really see Connie though, hidden behind said girl. She was blushing fiercely, but her anger was being replaced by regret.

Before she could stumble anything out Armin calmly addressed the issue, holding his hurt head. "Thanks. I needed that."

"I think he's sick." Was all he'd probably hear Connie ever say again.

"Yes." Armin replied, shakily getting up from the ground.

Sasha tried to lend him a hand. "Sorry, Armin. I-"

"No, I do need sleep. I'm sorry."

He speed walked away from the two finally into the shelter.

 _SASHA P.O.V:_

Sasha gave a very sheepish grin to the boy behind her. He wasn't blushing or anything, just still a little stunned, but actually, he seemed more relieved. "I owe you Sash, I literally had no idea if I was gonna just leave or kick him. But it was _Armin_. I don't know, but I think he would of cried."

Sasha let go of the breath she had been holding so tightly to. "Sure. I just can't believe-"

"Please. Who could actually like me like that? That's what they call desperate. Eren and Mikasa need to be better friends, huh?"

"...Maybe I need to be a better friend too." Sasha replied softly, thinking hard.

"Huh? Nah."

"I'm sure Armin didn't mean anything." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

"No kidding. I'm still giving him the silent treatment, though. Why me? I think Jean would of been prepared." He said, smirking to himself.

"Connie, I bet you're wrong."

"Wouldn't be a surprise. About what, now?"

Sasha's pink cheeks from earlier returned. "There's somebody for everybody."

"Well, yeah, for you at least."

"What?!"

"Don't play dumb. I'm sure everyone's had a crush on you at a point."

"Not- not that I know of! Why would they? I'm weird!" She exasperated.

"Just cause you're pretty and brave and all that."

"Well if I am, then you definitely are attractive too!"

Connie snorted at that.

"Stoooopppp." Sasha whined.

"You brought it up!"

"Noooo stop being like that."

"Like what?"

" _That._ "

"I'm having a very weird evening. Let me live."

"There's nothing not to like about you." Whoops. She blurted that one.

"Hey! Shut up! Your sarcasm sucks!"

"I'm not being sarcastic!"

"Yes, military police, I'd like to report a fraud."

"Agh! Quit!"

"I want to go to bed too."

"Not without me! ...Wait..shit!"

Tense silence passed for what seemed like ages. Sasha was on the verge of tears or her head exploding from embarrassment.

"Ok, you got me back now. I don't owe you for Armin anymore."

Sasha watched in bewilderment as her friend walked away from her with his head down.

"No!" She called.

He turned around suddenly, very pissed and also embarrassed. "What?!"

Sasha clasped her hands together to her chest, ashamed. "I didn't mean it like that."

Connie cooled off due to her sad seeming sincerity. "Alright." Was his answer before he continued on walking away. Everybody else was already inside, and with the sun now down, Sasha became cold. She shook her head fiercely, and ran up to catch Connie up the hill.

"I hit Armin because I was jealous, you know!"


	5. Rather

**Warnings:** _Major._ Very lengthy, I have no . Trigger warning. If you catch my drift anyway

 **Setting:** anytime. Your choice.

Rather

It was one of those timid, tense, do nothing but wait days for what was left of the 104th squad. The commanders and the brainy people like Armin were trying to decide their next plot of action. Sasha should of really took appreciation to the technical day off, but she found herself bored and anxious instead. She mindlessly tapped at her empty water glass a she sat on the table with her head down. She began wondering...when the last time she had even laughed was. This was an opportunity to shine normal teenager light onto her friends, but she was surprised at how hard it was to think of a joke this days. She sighed, and got up to put her dishes in the sink, but she found out she had been missing a little scene also in the kitchen.

"Look you midget, just let me do it." Jean said annoyed, watching unimpressively as Connie tried to reach a higher wall cabinet on the tips of his toes, even lifting himself up with his arms with the counter below it. Sasha smiled a little at the sight.

"No! Get your horse nose out of my business!" He said frustrated, trying to his extend his fingers to the little knob of the cabinet door. He ended up just jumping on the counter, getting closer to his destination.

"I would of gotten it way by now." Was Jean's grunted response.

He didn't have to stand up on the counter fortunately -well not all the way up- and he swung open the little wooden door. "Ha!" He couldn't wholly see into the thing, but he rummaged in their till he got what he wanted- hopefully. Seconds later a bottle of soap hit Jean in the head. His eyebrow just twitched in reply.

Connie chuckled, "Now, you clean the dishes!"

"Oh why, was getting that stupid shit that much of a workout for you?"

"Yeah right."

Sasha found herself amused as Connie hopped of the counter. Suddenly, a comical amount of realization struck his face.

"Shit. Now I have to wipe the table again. I should of took off these boots."

"That's what you get." Jean remarked, now scrubbing the dishes lazily.

Sasha giggled, an idea of maybe a fun thing finally popping up. But it kinda depended on the soldier's going along with it. But, so did any social thing. She knew at least Connie would respond. Who to her confusion, was still able to screw around like back in training so long ago it seemed. When for the record, he had been through more shit then she had. He was still the one who brought humor and laid backness to the squad, and honestly, people might of found it annoying, but without it everyone's head probably would of exploded. Yet, he still was compassionate and all. Sasha could never even aspire to those kind of social skills.

"Hey Connie", she started "would you rather stay the same size or be freakishly tall?"

"If you mean freakishly tall like a fucking colossal titan or something…"

Jean scoffed in the background, Sasha knew he liked this stuff, though. Cry baby.

"Hah...no like, human Bertholdo."

"That's still a titan."

" I said human!"

"Well then, I don't know."

"Please, you just don't want to admit you want to not be a dwarf." Jean retorted, turning around from his work. "As for me, I'd stay exactly the same."

"I'd be a little taller." Sasha voiced.

"Good for you people." Connie said, rolling his eyes.

Well shit. She didn't want anything to turn into a fight or anything, even though she kinda wanted to know his answer out of curiosity. She began thinking of other questions. But Jean beat her to it.

"So you'd stay a runt?"

Connie was maybe a tad offended. Okay, more than a tad. Honestly, Sasha was a bit too. "Yeah sure, so I can kick you in the balls a lot easier."

"Yeah, well I could just kick you in the face a lot easier!"

"Well I deem kicking horses is more acceptable!" Sasha interrupted.

"Why the fuck do you guys always say that?!"

Connie chuckled, "Yeah Sasha, that's animal abuse!"

Sasha smirked evilly. "But my village were hunters."

Connie chuckled harder, seeing Jean's worried expression and Sasha couldn't hold her laugh in for a second either.

"Forget this. Eren would you rather keep your current status or be a captain?" Jean asked.

Eren, who had just walked in, thought in a bewilderment at the question. "I'd stay the same. I can't make those logical decisions. Why?"

"Good choice. Potato girl started this game or something."

"Oh. Well what about you?"

"Captain."

"Of course you would." Connie voiced.

"Wouldn't you baldie?" He shoot back.

"No."

"Chicken."

"No. It's called I don't want people to die because of me."

"Exactly that too." Eren agreed. "Although...that's too late for me…"

Connie knew to switch subjects. "Ok what about: would you rather get yelled at by Hanji or Erwin?"

"That's….a tough one."

"Well I'd say Hanji." Connie answered.

"You got a death wish then?"

"No. It didn't say that they'd yell because they were mad…"

"Agh. Don't make me think of loop holes." Eren groaned.

Mikasa, as expected walked in to find Eren. She was silent as usual.

Sasha got another idea. "Oh! Would you rather fight Mikasa or a abnormal titan?"

Mikasa's eyes widened but then narrowed, awaiting the answers suspiciously.

"By ourself or with somebody?"

"Yourself."

"Mikasa." Jean said loudly. "She wouldn't kill us. Or at least me."

The asian girl seemed to really appreciate that response, as she lost the tension in her lean muscles. She handed off more dirty plates to Eren who put them in ever growing pile in the sink.

"Whatever, I'd rather kill a damn titan then get my shit knocked loose." Eren commented.

"Yeah, but she'd only do that if you needed it. In fact what about Mikasa was attacking because we hurt Eren?", Connie mentioned.

"Still the same." Jean answered quickly.

Sasha thought about it, "Ah… I think I'd look at the titan." Connie nodded.

He then fired another, "What about drown in the ocean or be set on fire?"

"Geez." Was all Eren got to say before being ushered out by Mikasa in search for the other trio member _or something._

"Yeah, you're getting darker and darker." Jean half-teased.

He changed his mind: "No, wait. What about getting shot or eaten?"

Sasha came up empty: "Uh…"

"Connie don't be insensitive." Jean warned.

He ignored him, still deep in thought. "I'd rather get eaten. Getting shot doesn't mean you're gonna die….Wait let me change it to get shot in the head. Uhm. Well then that depends who pulls the trigger..."

"Are you serious?" Jean called, just beginning to walk out too at this point.

Connie continued to debate internally, but rather it was for a joke Sasha wasn't it sure. He used his hands as a way to visually weigh his options. "Shot by m...or eaten. She'd probably not want to ever eat me. Because that's gross…but titan...I should just do it so..."

Connie stopped, looking up into Sasha's uncertain face, as if coming back to reality. "Uh, what were we talking about?" He asked sheepishly, scratching his shoulder blade.

"I'm not completely sure." She admitted. "We were playing would you rather…"

"Oh yeah! Duh! Haha. Who's turn?"

It was legitimately hers, as he had taken the most of them, but her gut told her to say something else: "You asked if we'd rather get shot or eaten."

He became quieter. "...and you said?"

"I didn't answer. Because neither."

"That's not how you play." He teased.

Sasha suddenly had to swallow. "You were answering, though."

"I basically don't know!" He said quickly.

"Then why would you ask?"

"Because it's a hard one!" He defended.

Sasha bit her lip at the way her game had ended up, "That's true…"

"So then it's your turn."

"Okay...Would you rather d-..." She was bouncing off of the topics Connie had brought up, now seriously wanting to know for her own sanity of coping everything. But it was not a funny thing at all, thing was. "Would you rather...get old or d-die young?"

Somehow though, he could even make light of that in his tone. "I mean I should of died by now, so, just because how things are, obviously younger."

She felt like she was stepping over a line, but she couldn't go back. "Not what you think will happen. What you want to happen."

She got an unexpected response. "Doesn't matter what you want in this place."

She felt her eyebrows crease. "Ok, but say you did have a choice."

"That's the only choice that everybody equally shares."

Sasha looked across to her comadre at that statement. He was now leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in the leather of the Survey Corps jacket. The moon was probably high up in the sky now, but a shadow still lingered across him. He rose his eyebrows at her.

"What?" He deadpanned.

"...Connie what _were_ you saying earlier?"

"I've said a bull crap of stupid things. Heh. You're gonna have to be more-"

"About the answering to the previous question. You said you'd rather be eaten at first, but then, some other stuff and you changed your mind, and you lost me.""

"What- why do you care? I was just rambling probably."

"I want to die old. Super crazy old. I'm that girl who wants to have a family and grandkids and a decent job with a normal life in a cozy cabin where I cook for everyone."

"...That's nice. I hope you get that."

"Yeah so, what about you?"

"I don't think that far."

Sasha began to pick at her nails. "Don't you just dream about a bright future, though?"

"...I don't think about it."

"Well, now you can. So? What would it be? What motivates you for a better tomorrow and all that inspiration speech shit everyone preaches before every battle?"

"Uh. I dunno."

"You have to have something! Otherwise you wouldn't be dedicated!"

"I don't want innocents to suffer, same as everyone else."

"So, we're innocents aren't we?"

"Not- not- I guess? Only some of these guys are, like you."

"Me? And then you too, right?"

He hesitated. "...Why are we talking about this?! It doesn't matter anymore!"

Things were back firing on Sasha now for sure. She had wanted him to say something like she had, because honestly she didn't want to be the only one. Did he have too much pride to say something like that? No, that wasn't it. Why was he being so difficult about it? She was getting tired at her failure at this whole spiel. But more so, to find and finally talk about deep things with her best friend. She really didn't know much about him. Perhaps he still just wasn't ready to face reality like this? She couldn't joke around anymore... or at least these days! So, as childish as the thought, did that ultimately mean they couldn't click anymore? She did not want to lose a friend over something like that!

"Just answer the question, then." , She said a little grumpily.

"Fine. Young, ok? Next question is: would you-"

"What? Really?!"

"Uh, yes. Would you want to be-"

"W-why?"

"There's no where in the rules were we have to explain the answers, so chill."

"There are _no_ rules!"

He was peeved. He scowled, huffing out: "Would you rather keep playing this game or do something useful?"

That felt like a little stab to her chest. "I…"

He broke out into a grin, suddenly. "Because i'd rather play this game."

Sasha laughed, mostly out of relief. "Ok! My turn then! Even though that one really sucked!"

"No it didn't it! It was so appropriate!"

She giggled admitting defeat, "Ok shhhh. Would you rather lose taste or smell?"

"Hmm, Smell."

"Why? I'd do taste."

"There are a lot of stinky things. This one guy was so scared a few days ago, I seriously think he actually shit his pants."

Chuckles bubbled up the girl's throat as she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I say taste because if some food smells good, you can taste it. Like that saying. You don't gotta know it tastes good just by the actual taste. Like if it smells good and looks good, it's key."

"Fair enough." They both sat at the counter now. "Would you rather step in shit bare footed or have a bird's shit land on you?"

"Haaaah I mean, agh, bird poop I guess. We have jackets for a reason, right?"

His laugh once again filled her ears, and they continued this little game for a while longer until they were yelled at to go to fucking sleep. Which Sasha did, for once, very easily.

-(next day)-

Sasha was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, as the commander announced the daily plans for the early morning to the Survey Corps. The ground was mushy beneath her feet, and she shifted her weight in the mud unknowingly. What was the last question he said? Would you rather have feet for hands or hands for feet? Or was it the one about milk? She let out a yawn, looking up to the gray clouds above her. According to the speech, it was a day similar to yesterday. And she was fine with that. More than fine. Wait...was the question about the commanders? Since it was driving her bananas she figured she'd just see if he remembered. Wait. She then realized he wasn't around or even by her side like usual in line. All the other familiar faces were in proper position, though. Sasha stayed put anxiously until the meeting was over, holding questions to Jean and Historia on her tongue.

"Jean Kirschtein. You have guard position as well. Springer….hm...Sasha Blouse. Cooking duty. Historia, you are going to discuss with us about all the fun stuff finally. And you, what's your face-"

Sasha fidgeted as she asked nervously, "Um, Corporal?"

Levi kept his usual blank expression. "Problem?"

"...I missed what Connie had. I'll tell him, sir!"

He propped up his clipboard of papers. "This says he's sick."

"Huh?"

Levi was unimpressed, to say the least..

"He wasn't sick!" Wait, shit. What if she just got him in trouble now. Sweat formed on her forehead as she looked back at her Captain's unchanging look.

"Well, _I_ didn't write it. Hanji does that kind of shit." He continued down the line.

Since Jean was looking at the moment anyway, she turned to him. "You guys share the same barracks. How could he be sick?" She didn't know why, but she began to feel faint herself.

Jean's expression was very strange, but she didn't want to solve that puzzle right now. "He did lose his dinner. So I guess…"

"What? Why? He was fine?"

"Just happens."

"Uh, what? I mean yeah, but like..."

"Armin finally told on him."

By now, everyone was dispersing to their duties and looking forward to another rest day. Sasha scanned out the crowd, and landed her gaze unto the said blonde boy, talking to Eren. Sasha hated this feeling of being lost, she went to go question Jean again but he mumbled something about having to go keep eye out for titans like he was told to. So, the brunette girl speed walked over to the nerd dude, making him stop his conversation.

"What did you tattle tail on Connie about?" She showed a little of her confused anger, because why would anyone even bother to get Connie in trouble and paying what ever consequence bad enough where he didn't even have time to line up?

Armin's vibe of guilt only made her more peeved. "Oh...I…"

Eren barged in. "The guy got another gun somehow. He knocked it out right in front of Armin is his crazy sleep. So, he's probably getting a lecture and then well, he puked apparently, so I guess he's with Hanji. I don't know why-"

Armin elbowed Eren in the side and called his name, who gave him a annoyed look.

Armin ignored it. " _What he means is_ , Connie got sick again. But, it's true that he is probably somewhere Hanji put him. It isn't usually so bad, though…"

Sasha blinked, now just outright bewildered. "But I talked to him last night and he was pretty normal!" She didn't like what they were saying. _Agian? Crazy Sleep? Another...gun?_

Neither said anything and Mikasa called them over. Armin looked back at Sasha wearily.

"Who else is making breakfast?!" Someone called.

Sasha dismissed it and looked for Hanji. Thankfully she had given the speech and was easy to find as well.

She was talking to Erwin. Sasha was not brave enough to disrupt that. So once again, she waited impatiently, now fully awake and determined to get to the bottom of this. When Erwin finally walked away after saying some big inspirational words, Sasha took that as her chance.

"Excuse me Hange?"

The called soldier looked through her glasses at her, showing she was listening with a quirked eyebrow. She didn't smile, and was clearly probably in the middle of something.

"This is stupid but," _Did she really just say that?_ "Did you do something with Connie Springer mam?"

The older woman straightened up, looking uncertain. "I was just going to go check on him. Follow me."

Sasha couldn't believe it went so easy like that. The hard stuff most be coming next, then.

They entered a side cabin, the private cabin, for the commanders and all. Sasha felt she definitely did not belong there. The cabin was much more well kept then the teenager's all while being smaller. The adults in there were annoyed or confused at her presence. They made a stop at what looked to be Hanji's little lab room or something real quick, and then they approached a closed door at the end of the hallway. A sign next to it was posted: "Med Bay."

Hanji stuck out her tongue as she went through her ring of keys. She found the one she needed, and began to turn the lock. "Wait here for now." She told her.

Sasha had no idea why it would be a good idea to have a locked med bay. Or why she had to wait again. Or if Connie was even in there. And if he was, why? Why locked? Sasha tried not to jump to any crazy conclusions. She was regretting not paying more attention last night.

A few minutes passed in the lonely hallway, and Hanji popped her head out. Behind her was the voice of a very tired, but unseen, Connie. "Hey! Can I go now?"

Hanji made eye contact with Sasha, thinking. "Why don't you take him back?"

Sasha opened her mouth like a fish, but she nodded anyway. Hanji turned her head back to the other, nodding.

"Yaaaaay." He said sarcastically under his breath, but you could obviously hear it.

And then poof. Connie appeared to the side of Sasha. His pissyness droped considerably when he was surprised with the fact of her appearance. Sasha looked the smaller boy up and down, trying to find anything odd. He looked exactly the same. Same clothes and everything. If anything, he might of been paler. She didn't realize that he always looked so tired like that, though, because she found that normal at first, too.

Sasha jumped a little when Hanji whispered in her ear. "Keep a good eye."

Sasha looked at her dumbstruck, but the commander continued to be professional once again.

"Ok, arms out." She instructed.

Connie sighed heavily, raising his arms a little. Hanji frowned, grabbing his thin wrists to pull them further up. Then she patted him down his sides, much to Connie's disapproval, and then lightly shook the fabric of his sleeves and overall whole shirt. She only seemed a little satisfied when he reached into his pockets of the little skirt(?) thing to pull nothing out.

"Alright fine. I'm trusting you." She gave him his Survey Corps hoodie, after shaking that out as well. She really reminded Sasha of a worried mother or something.

Before Sasha knew it, they had ended up back outside walking to the commons. The silence between the just duo now was unusually uncomfortable. They both were in their heads. Sasha recalled what Hanji had said, and looked over at her friend again. She didn't know what to say, but she had to say something. She took the honest, sincere approach.

"Connie, I am so confused right now."

He talked to the ground and kicked up it's dirt. "And I am, so, utterly, screwed."

"W-why?"

"Because i'm a dumbass!"

Sasha stopped walking, pouting. She tugged on his arm to stop him as well. As expected, he didn't like it, but he didn't feel like fighting it. Sasha thought about how she should ask in where he couldn't beat around the bush or something anymore. She wondered if he had always done that to all of them without notice. She stopped him before he could let out a breath.

"Look at me."

"Uh, what did you say?"

She sighed, now grabbing his shoulders, turning him to her. He was like a freaking ragdoll. "You heard me, Baldie."

His yellowy eyes reached her face, but not her own deep brown orbs. "What?!"

"Why didn't you say you didn't feel good last night?"

"I felt pretty usual!"

She believed that. "Okay. Fine. Why did Hanji have to pat you down like a criminal?"

"Because it's Hanji."

"She's never done that to anybody."

"Sure she has! Anyone that enters her "areas" probably gets it too."

"Okay, why were you in her "area"?"

"You think I volunteered?"

"Uh, no."

"Because these people are dramatic."

"And you're not?"

He scoffed. "Why do you need to know such garbage anyways?"

"How could I not wonder?!"

"Because who cares. There's a lot more important stuff to worry about."

"!... Since your being an ass...I'll ask it all straight up!"

"We have stuffffffffff to do."

"Commander told me to watch you, so not really!"

"Oh. I see. Humpf. That sucks!"

"So I have the right to know why I have to do that!"

"You don't _have_ to do anything, Blouse. _You can ditch me, I swear I won't tell._ I know you hate to get in trouble. I gotchu. _Have the day off_ like your suppose to."

At first, Sasha's brain jumped on that idea and his kindness. But, after everything she heard this morning, she found it strange, suspicious. She knew he wasn't lying and was being sincere because of the guilt on his expression, but it also seemed like an _escape_ or something to this whole thing. Should she let it go? No. She was given a job. Despite that, she needed to know or it would bother her forever. He smiled and pat her shoulder awkwardly, "Yeah...so see you around, then."

"Where do you want to go so badly?" She snapped suddenly at his back.

He jumped at her new tone. "I dunno. Bed maybe. Peace."

"Have breakfast with me." Not a question. Not a suggestion. A demand.

"Erm, Go ahead. I actually need a shower."

"Well, have breakfast first. Can't miss the most important meal of the day."

"...That sounds like a threat." Also she always ate with Connie anyway...usually!

"It is."

"Geez! I'm not hungry! Hurry before they wonder what we're doing!"

Did he just say " _I'm not hungry."?_ To _her?_ "We're _going_ to the cafeteria."

"Ugh. Alright, alright! If you're up to something, I am expecting it just so you know. I wasn't planning a prank on _you_."

Ah yes, the little prank war they played sometimes. "Me either." She deadpanned.

"You're so moody today. What's wrong?"

 _What's wrong? What's wrong?! Me_ , the bipolar one? "Don't be such a hypocrite!"

The rest of the slow walk to the dining hall was silent, all but her locked gaze on him, daring him to back out again. The room had it's usual chatter, but was not full. Everyone scattered themselves out in their little cliques, which yes, even existed in the stupid military. For the most part, people were finishing up and handing in their dirty trays to the exact kitchen they were screwing around in just a night ago. Sasha felt so much older then she was. They stopped at the line of random rations and plain food that was left over. She grabbed a piece of toast and nibbled on it as she filled up her tray boringly. She wasn't really hungry either. So, then, something was definitely wrong indeed with this whole day. She wasn't paying much attention to her companion now, however.

"Hey?...Connie."

"Hi Armin. Eren. Mikasa su casa mi casa." Was his passive aggressive response.

"Mikasa what casa?" Eren asked.

Connie made a brief sound of amusement.

Armin, being Armin, broke the ice. "Look, Connie, I know you're probably mad at me...And I'm sorry. But I don't regret it. None of us really know how to take care of ourselves...and stuff like that happens. If you don't accept help, somebody has to do it that you can't...yell and squirm at. Where is Hanji, anyway?"

"She let me go because it was stupid. All I did was sleep in there."

Armin looked over his rudeness, to whatever the bigger picture was. "Good. Well, we can forget about it if you want or drop it for good."

"Of course to hell I do."

Sasha stuttered before Armin could seal the deal. "What- no,no. Don't you drop it! What happened for fucks sake?"

"I told you all I knew." Eren said, choosing to back away at Sasha's uncharacteristic anger. Mikasa followed suit. Whatever.

"That's not my right to tell." Armin said nervously. "I don't even know the tip of it."

"What did you tell on him for?!"

"Like Eren said, Sasha! For having a gun and an...episode!"

"So, what? I would have weapons to protect myself if I could too!" Sasha exclaimed.

"HAH." Connie voiced, proving some point to the blonde boy.

He dismissed it. "Well not for the opposite!"

"The opposite?" She asked, frustrated.

"Armin. I will kick you across the room." Connie seethed.

"But, but, Connie! This is what friends are for!"

"Friends are for a good time and nobody has time for that but me, apparently."

"You call _that_ a good time?" Armin fired back.

"Heh. Kinda. If you guys weren't such party poopers."

"You want us to laugh at you while you have a nightmare?!"

"Yus."

"You don't laugh at us!"

"Of course not, know it all."

"So why would we?"

"Ermm because it's a me."

"You people make no sense!" Sasha yelled, earning a couple stares from nobodys.

Armin's voice was it's usual, calm, kind, gentle all the same, as if he found out something that hurt: like when Eren was discovered as a titan. Maybe Sasha should try to talk like that, because it _was_ getting their friend to say _something._ "Connie, you're just as important as anyone else."

He widened his eyes a second, stunned. That faded into a unconvinced, "psssh"

"Why would people go out of their way to save you, then?"

"...Cause...these are decent people around here for the most part."

"Not really. Our hands are dirty."

Connie shrugged at that, "Well, you know what I mean."

"Yes. You're one of them, though. Don't forget that." And with that Armin seemed, content, and went after Eren before he disappeared.

Things were once again, tensely silent.

"Geeeez" Connie spurred quietly after a moment. "See? Dramatic or something."

Sasha had lost her anger. She felt empty, but hands were tugging at her sensitive heart as she thought she finally reached the hard truth she'd been avoiding herself. She placed down her tray gently. She wanted to put her hand on top of his, but she decided not to based off his body language. She wouldn't let him push himself away like that again. Tears were making it hard for her throat to form words, but eventually she got a hold of herself.

Softly, sounding like a child she spoke: "Connie, did you… try to kill yourself?"


	6. Touch

**Warnings:** Swearing, as usual. Gore, violence, and s harassment if you squint your eyes.

 **Setting:** If you havent read up to chapter 72, you're going to be even more beyond confused. Oh, but on the bright sad side, Sasha and her boi are a couple in this one.

 _Touch (another false hope title for you pervs) _

There was so much blood.

It was turning from bright red, to an almost black like color as it spilled out onto her fingers, the wooden floor, not being soaked up enough by fabric that was at's it holding limit of the liquid. It didn't smell good, especially mixed with the scent of past rain and titan decay. She heard her companions begin to run her way, heavy boots on the grass. Smoke still rose up into the air, and it was making harder all the while to breathe. Sasha tried to tend to the wounds in vain franticly. She heard them shouting, getting closer.

"Yes, please. Hurry. Help! ...Take me away." She thought. "It's all my fault."

-(earlier)-

"Sashaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"Connieeeeeeeeee"

"Sashaahahaha"

"Steakkkkk"

"Wowwww"

"Hammmmmmmmm"

"Ahhh"

"Po...potta...potato-"

"Will you two shut up already?", Interrupted a grumbling Jean.

Just then, the wheels of the cart they were riding in bumped over a rather large rock. The bags and weapons rolled around after slightly jumping up with the occupants. Connie, after recovering in a second from the startle, started to laugh.

"You should've seen your fucking faces..haha..I'm scared of a bump but I'll hold a 3 foot blade." He mocked.

Sasha laughed along, relieved. The other's rolled their eyes for the most part. They were approaching the farm area. On either side of them, more carriages were being pulled by horses with more soldiers and supplies. She saw the barn first. A red building in the middle of a huge garden was strange to her. Weak fences ran along every field that stretched for acres. What she liked the most, though, was the couple children running around the patches of free space not taken by plants. She still couldn't believe, a queen, Historia or not, liked to spend most of her time here. Lucky dog. At least they were gonna get a slight look around for a couple hours. Historia herself saw her old friends approach, and she waved as they got even closer with her other hand holding onto a straw hat.

"Did she really just call us over to say hi?"

"Don't be so stupid."

As soon as they all came to a halt, Sasha jumped out of the thing on her feet, and she reached out in front of her, giving herself a very needed stretch. Everyone crowded around, confused, but feeling the good vibes of the area anyway. Most were ordered to just take this as a resting break of their journey. They accepted, of course. Others were to talk with the queen about probably a bunch of fun stuff. Squad 104 included, of course. They walked up into the barn, the big heavy doors making a boom as it shut behind them. The shelter was very stuffy, and mostly all that occupied it was straw and hay scattered among the grass. The commanders began pulling out maps and papers, always prepared. Sasha took a seat on the underside of a big bucket, probably for milking cows. She tapped her foot until Connie finally decided to plop down beside her on the ground.

"Ok, so…We need to catch up." Historia started to the group.

Hanji adjusted her glasses, and she did just that for the royal blonde.

Sasha didn't really pay much attention. Or course she heard everything, but it was background noise. She was distracted by the twig poking her in the side. Now that she was setting on the ground since it was warmer, and, yeah. She took the bucket, and made the motion of throwing it at her friend who flinched slightly. Connie whacked the metal bucket with the same stick, causing a "clang" sound that caused conversation to stop a moment. Sasha held her laugh by biting her lip, not wanting to be exposed, as Connie too, looked sheepish. The group didn't make the connection, or they just stopped caring.

"Eh. Their loss." Connie whispered.

Sasha smiled playfully. She didn't know if it was the beautiful country or what, but she was feeling pretty okay despite everything. "Ever been on farm before now?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"I like it, I think."

"It's better than a city."

"Oh...hell yeah." She agreed.

Sasha looked at their particular spot. They were leaning against the wall, out of clear shot. She blew hay off her knee, to try and ignore the butterflies in her chest.

"I kinda want to do, like, something, besides sit and listen to something that doesn't make sense." Connie said boredly, but she knew it was actually because he was getting anxious.

Sasha leaned way back on the wall now, with her legs sprawled out in front of her, tight boots off. She brushed her bangs out of face, lightheartedly suggesting, "We...could cuddle."

Connie looked around the room wearily, blushing lightly. Sasha changed her position slightly, then patted her thigh hopefully.(I know what you're think again you pervs haha) He approached cautiously, until Sasha just wrapped her arms around his middle, gently pulling him in. Yes, much warmer than a metal bucket in the coming winter. She let lose of her already light hold, and put her hands back to her side while she waited for the other to finally relax into her a little bit. He rested the back of his head on her shoulder and Sasha sighed into a pleased smile. He stared up at the ceiling with his lolled back like that, and it was so c-

" _Why_ do we have to stay longer?" Eren's loud voice erupted. Sasha found Connie's calloused hands, now listening to the argument. Connie ignored it more, sighing outwardly, watching how the cold made his breath show as a tiny white cloud.

"Don't you guys wanna sleep here tonight or at least have a decent meal?" Historia said painstakingly. "I'm talking maybe an hour at least."

"We don't want to intrude on this person's property" Armin reasoned.

"It's actually _my_ property technically so…" Was her response.

"But you probably have stuff to do to, your majesty."

"Don't be silly! Stay as long as you need! They don't need this barn, for example."

"Hey, sorry but, that other building, was that a church, miss?"

"Oh. Yes. You could also send troops to rest there!"

"We really need to get going. Thanks, your highness." Levi voiced, annoyed.

"At least take some of this boundless food here! You'll need it!"

"...okay. Might as well."

As everyone began to make a move, Sasha groaned. The one time Connie was willing for even a tiny cuddle, and they have to go play around in dirt now. She feather touched her nose along his jaw to his ear with her eyes shut, and she received a little jump when she started to whisper to it. He was getting very good at that spacing out thing, she was aware.

"Gotta work I guess, dude."

Sasha was pretty sure she had pulled her shoulder. As the sun went down on their backs, it became even brisker. She wrapped her hands around the root of the vegetable, and gave it a stern tug. She hated they had to harvest their dinner and who know's how many more snacks. She couldn't even pull out a potato decently, and when she took a bite of one minutes ago, it was so raw and...just awful. She knew she should be counting her lucky stars for even having food half the time, but some stupid cabbage was not gonna fill anyone up, for starters. These farmers had no produce. They didn't let her near the cows or even the horses . Bitter, she continued throwing whatever plants into the baskets being passed along. She was tired of bending down, so she stood up, but she still tugged on Connie's coat sleeve. She was about to say something but she had forgotten anyway when he beat her:

"It's Reiner." He stated too calmly.

Sasha widened her eyes and stopped in her tracks, "What?"

"In the church."

Her brown eyes looked over the old temple like structure. She squinted to see through the dirty windows from her place. The light was on in one room, even though dim. She didn't see any figure, though.

Sasha hugged herself against a chilly breeze. "Where?"

Then a shout entered everyone's ears. "Hey! Alright! Send this food over to the church to the troops there! They didn't bring enough rations to begin with! We're hungry, Jesus!"

They assisted in pulling over a wheelbarrow over their shoulders. Dirt and dust got kicked up as Sasha wondered if those kids from earlier must be getting ready for bed now. They all handed out food, mostly vegetables, fruit if luck was there, or either packed it or ate it. She supposed if she didn't eat, her stomach would become embarrassingly loud later, even though nothing was very appetizing. And now, they couldn't even have the crackers because they and the other things like bread were now reserved for emergencies. She followed Connie's suit and settled for corn on the cob, disappointing enough.

"If they could just add a huge pile of ribs to this…"She mumbled.

"Humm. Shit, I really gotta piss. Why don't you get a _potato_ , Sash? I'll be right back."

"Ok, bald eagle."

He left his yellow and green food behind, and Sasha tuned into the conversation in her group she was around, starting with telling Armin to tell Jean his fly was down. He didn't appreciate it. Enough time passed for everyone to finish their shitty meal, and Sasha stopped her finger that was tracing the rim of her glass of water, throwing whatever the group had been talking about into the trash once more. She looked around her table to make sure she wasn't going to start to worry for nothing. She was more annoyed on the surface when she got up to look for her best friend. But how could she not worry, even here? The world was crazy, last time she checked.

"Right back my ass" She mumbled to herself. Where even was there to go to the bathroom? There were no woods nearby. She wandered out side into the evening. Other people were around at least. While she was looking around, a small blonde person ran into her.

"Oh! Historia."

The girl didn't say anything, literally biting her lip. Her eyes were so large and tired at the same time. Sweat trickled down her forehead, as she frowned like she had seen a ghost. She pushed through Sasha, and the brunette stood there a minute, dumbfounded. Everyone watched the queen in confusion, as she darted far from the church. Sasha's intinctics wanted to really follow her. As if on cue, there was a loud bang from inside said church. While her squad went after the panicked queen, Sasha found herself more interested in that. Everyone else stood around tensely.

She ended up back where they ate, and everyone had cleared out now, eager to see the strange ruckus. The ruckus that was making Sasha's heart beat too fast for her liking. She was about to follow them as well, when the building shook slightly, evident by a couple of lone cups and empty dishes rolling to the ground. The sound this time, seemed to be coming from a top a aged staircase. Timid, she walked up them on her tiptoes, and then rested her ear against the dirty wall. Shouting, but she couldn't make out the words. The door at the top was touched by her palm, and she opened it a crack. It was a messy, dusty room from what little she could see, the floors in there creaked under some moving pressure.

"Don't you fucking touch me, psycho !" A thud then followed a gasp, then a grunt.

"Why, you little…"

Sasha flung open the door at the voice of the first boy, but the attack only stalled a millisecond. "Sasha! G-hey!"

The unforgettable traitor made an amused half chuckle sound at the smaller boy. Connie struggled over the bulky guys hold around his waist, giving him another forceful kick to get him off. Reiner was still smirking, though. That was over the line, so far. Anger was making her sick.

The distance between them closed again, but Connie took that as a chance to pin down the other's arms behind them, probably causing a dislocation. Reiner said something, and then he started to raise up his own knee, which would easily sock Connie in the chin. Reiner broke free, and the glint of his knife got caught by the moon's rays. He closed their distance again. Sasha scrambled around the mess of the random crisp books, thinking fast. She found something that was probably a text book. She groaned as she picked it up, aimed at the boulder of the guy, and lugged it at him. It made contact with Reiner's broad back, and he actually yelped in surprise. The force knocked him off balance, and Sasha felt relieved and even good at the thought of him face planting. Little did she realize that her angel had been awful. Reiner did fall, but forward as the thick book fell to the ground, cracking the wooden floor. Reiner threw his hands out in instinct to catch himself, but he remained a tight hold on his knife.

To Sasha's shock, her eyes trained on that knife, in slow motion, the large man smacked into the more frail one. Smustering Connie onto hitting the floor full force, hitting bone again as Reiner landed on top. Reiner rubbed his head, dazed a second, but tried to get up. He couldn't though, without his little weapon that Sasha made the mistake of watching in the first place. He didn't bother to pull the dagger loose, his big hands letting go of the griper, he stood up angrily, tears in his eyes for whatever reason.

"Forget this. I came here for a reason." Reiner stated.

With the cut he gave himself from carelessness, he jumped out the window. Of course, a burst of hot smoke and a little explosion took his place.

Sasha kept whispering it over and over. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry."

-(present)-

Tears were making her vision too blurry. She took the knife out of his side. Was that the right thing to do?! It didn't look like it, because like mentioned, he was bleeding out too much probably. She continued to quickly wrap his abdomen with her hoodie. The cold stung at her bare arms now, but who actually cared? The hoodie was _not_ a good tourniquet, evidently. But it was all they had. She wasn't letting him sit up from the ground either, despite his weak struggle for the first couple seconds. She tried to ignore the puddle she was kneeling in. _Hurry up already!_

"Sa..Sash-"

"Shhh. It'll be fine." Her breaking voice was probably not very convincing.

Panic and worry was over taking her brain. She didn't even notice the fuzz of his head while she supported it off from the hard floor helplessly. He probably had a fucking concussion. She couldn't look at him directly, she was too afraid. She found little comfort in his shallow and ragged breaths as she imagined help coming up the stairs. He must of broke at least one rib too. Not only had it happened, but it was all her fault. She should of seen where he went to begin with, she should of followed him, she should've taken a more logical approach to the situation. She should of done a lot of things but to hell did it matter now. The flow of blood was slowing considerably along with the pulse of the alarmed veins she softly laid her fingers on. With that dawning on her, she couldn't help but look.

As expected he was pale, but it still took her on another level of upset anyway. His eyelids opened and closed repeatedly in the still ongoing battle. His mouth was open like a little fish, straining in the chilly air painfully as he chest slowly expanded and contracted hidden underneath the layers.

With one shaking hand she smoothed off the cold sweat near his ears. "Hey-Hey. Just wait. Hold on please."

Surprising her, he reached up and cupped her cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. She wanted to scream so badly. She brought her hand on top of his for a moment and she sighed. _Ok. I'll come to them. They must be busy with the armored titan, after all. Fuck._

She stood up, already missing his comforting touch. Not wanting to hurt his body further, with the arm he had extended she pulled him up carefully. As he slowly realized what she was doing, he protested, but that thought process was interrupted by moan as she had to at least grab his back and turn him into a bridal style hold. He would be having a fit if he had the energy.

"Sorry, sorry. Just hold still." Sasha cooed sadly.

"Ngh. Why-why apologizes?"

She made her way down the stairs. "...We're gonna get going, okay? Okay."

"Historia, did she really set us up?! Damn it all! This is bad!" She plopped onto the main floor heavily, gaining the attention of some soldiers fumbling for their equipment.

Sasha snorted. "Don't just stand there! Hello!?"

"...hmnh-huh?" He was completely limp now. _We're fighting with time._

"I'm not yelling at _you_ , Connie." She murmured.

"What, Where'd you come from?!" A man asked.

"Forget it! Where's a medic or something?!"

"Uh-"

Her gaze landed on a first aid bag. She ran over to it on the other side of the room. _Okay, Okay. Hurry Hurry c'mon!_ She knew how to do stitches. Maybe something was useful for that in there. She placed Connie back down onto the ground, using the bag as his makeshift pillow to prop him up at least a little. He didn't make a sound or movement this time. Sasha pulled out all the components of the muddy bag. It only had bandages, pain medication, anti bacterial, towels, food rations, and a pack of cigars. It was something, though.

She put a hand on his shoulder. "Connie."

Dazed, he openeded his eyes again. _Jesus_. _Alright._ She squeezed her eyes shut as she unwrapped the ruined hoodie from him. She threw it to the side, and pulled up his shirt to where needed, having to open her eyes now and fight the urge to vomit. The white bandages were the sticky kind, and it would be much more secure and tight to the nasty gash. But, the bleeding was hardly occurring anymore. It was possibly not even the biggest problem he had. She used the whole roll, there was no harm in having too much, right? Desperate as she worked and tried to make a needle out of anything she began saying her mantra of sorrys again, feeling worse at every time. The men and women crowded them or mostly went their ways for a voice of a leader, the enemy titan more of a threat to everyone but her. When one of them suggested she just leave him, she openly let her tears roll down her face at last while she aggressively shoved the guy away.


End file.
